• The Sexiest Thing Ever

    by Dr. Susan Sklar
    on Feb 6th, 2017

This month, the Sklar Center live event is LIBIDO.  Along with tasting healthy, sexy chocolate, we are going to have a fun, informative time.  Of course, LIBIDO is a topic that can cause some discomfort and a little anxiety.  Or maybe you feel like that part of your life is dead and gone forever.  I have news for you–there are ways to resurrect it. 


In the meantime, here are some things you can start working on:

I hear stories over and over again in treating women at the Sklar Center about lost interest, painful sex, and living with your spouse or partner like roommates. There is a sadness, longing, and puzzlement about how things have changed.  What should you do if your body isn’t sending you the signals that it used to?  Or what if sex if painful?  Or what if you feel “dead down there” which I’ve heard from a number of women.  And what should you do it feels like there is a chasm as wide as the Grand Canyon between you and your partner or husband?

The answer is to begin with communication. You have to start talking.  When most people try to have a discussion about sex and sexuality, fidgeting starts, there is discomfort, there may be nervous snickering.  It’s not easy to talk about and you may be worried about hurting each other’s feelings. It may make you feel inadequate as a man or a woman to have your sexual function be less than what it used to be.  It attacks your very core sense of masculinity and femininity. Part of the problem is that, as a society, we’ve made it seem more intimidating then it needs to be. Our society’s Victorian past with its shunning of open discussion of bodily functions makes it difficult to talk about sex (hence use of terms like “down there.”) 

When you plan to talk to your partner about the problem, my recommendations for communicating about sex are, most importantly, to set aside a special time to do it.  Don’t try to do it on the fly.  Don’t try to talk with your honey while you’re washing the dinner dishes or while children are around.  When you do talk to your partner, talk about your feelings without making accusations about the other person. Talk about the emptiness you feel because of not having sex in your life or not having the type of sex you would like in your life. Talk about the connection you do feel with your partner.  Be sure to focus on what brought you together in the first place–the wonderful qualities in each other that brought you together in the first place.  Be open and accepting. Talk about some of the stresses in life. Financial stress, long work hours, or the responsibility of caring for aging parents or other family members may require special plans to connect sexually.  

Author Dr. Susan Sklar

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